Look What Zog Do!

It was a clear day this morning in NYC. Amazingly clear. When my headed over the Verrazano Bridge I could the planes landing and taking off from JFK. And no these were no sun reflections, looking out from VZ toward JFK, you actually staring at the rising sun over LI. It was an amazingly clear morning. Further on my morning commute I could see skyline of Manhattan, and the traffic on the George Washington Bridge.

That brought back a memory of another amazingly clear morning several years ago, when I was forced to walk home over Bayonne Bridge because the city had been shutdown. It was an amazing clear morning, I could see many people walking over the respective bridges trying to get home from the worse day in their life.

I was not thinking about the events at the time I was walking. I was working on adrenalin; trying to get home to my wife, who I knew was worried. That day, when I finally got to the car that she had driven to to the pedestrian walkway entrace to the bridge, at the first sight of her face filled with fear and worry, I broke down and cried; we both cried.

Today the memories flooded back into my mind, reliving the events of that day. On this amazing clear and beautiful day I began to cry, again.

Paxil sucks!

Its been about a week now. I stopped using it last week. I did not want to be taking medications I no longer need, and I refuse to pushed around by a little pink pill.

I was subscribed for Paxil to help with a rapid heartbeat problem that I had that seems to have gone away with my recent stent implants.

I am almost at the point to tears!! I feels horibble. You may have read literature on Paxil, (the drug company is only now admitting that it is addictive). I thought the sympthoms would stop after a few days, they have not. If anything some new ones have popped up.

I still have the "electric tingle" that occurs, actually I am getting use to it :(. They seems to happen more when I have my eyes open so it may be something to do with eyesight. I have learned to just close my eyes if it getting bad.

But there are other sympthoms, one is the head vice crushing headaches plus the sudden tiredness and need for sleep. Let me describe the feeling. It is like the worst hangover I am sure that everyone has had. The one where they were in tears and had promised never to drink again! Well imagine that without the drinking. It is sometimes so bad I am to point of crying, actually I just passed it. Of course I get the urge to go back on it, but I won't.

Also there is the vertigo. It feels like you just got off a bad roller coaster ride. Sometimes it hard to walk a straight line. It sometimes gets so bad that I am literally falling over; and no I have not been drinking.

My wife is wondering was is wrong with me since I have not told her. She would want me to get back on just to avoid seeing me like this.

Why did I get off? Because I found that I have lost a lot of my former thinking power, its hard to describe. Lets just say my grades at school have been off because I can't concentrate, my guess is Paxil's ability to stop obsessive compulsion. For someone who does not have OCD, Ok no more than the rest of us it prevents me from concentrating on things that need to be obsssed over like grades and spelling :). I won't tell you how hard its been at work trying to debug broken code. You need a little OCD for this kind of work; sometimes I feel (before stopping Paxil) that I really did not give a shit.

Ok now we need a stupid contraction for it: zlog works good.